What’s the problem? Every single adult I know has been licked from the rooter to the tooter OR has been the one dragging their tongue across the crack of somebody ass. Ever wondered why it is such a taboo topic? SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! People are often shamed throughout their lives for various reasons due to deep-rooted societal norms, stereotypes, and expectations that have existed for centuries. From appearance to behavior to sexuality, everyone at some point has been embarrassed or bullied for presenting themselves outside of those bounds. People immediately began to keep their wits about them in the back of their thoughts, suppressing what drives their inner desires. I’ve had so many discussions with people, friends and enemies alike, who get so shy and closed off at the topic of sex. Why? I want to know why you like that man? IF you like that man? What unhealed traumas does he press that make you want to bust it over easy time and time again? Is it because he talks you through it? The praise? The roleplaying? The aftercare? Tell me! I am the last one to judge! My interviewees would squeal and squirm when attempting to discuss their inner most thoughts and desires. Some ladies I know have so much pent up rage and frustration from their hindered sexual needs and I always ask them what they are going to do about it? Why don’t you go and fuck him already? What exactly is the hold up? I wonder sometimes if that’s why some women crash and burn when dating. We have been trained to emotionally and mentally invest into a potential partner so we can establish a relationship just so we can have sex instead of just expressing how you really feel and telling it like it is—
“I want to fuck him.”
It’s okay to think it but go ahead and say it out loud. Nobody will penalize you for screaming that at the top of your lungs. There’s nothing wrong with fucking at our grown ass age but I do suggest you know where to draw the line. Lots of people are only here for a good time, not a long time and once you realize that, you’ll learn to not make Daquan the postman into Daquan your dream man. Fuck that.
Women have been shamed time and time again about our sexuality by men who want to have sex and that’s not crazy to y’all? So instead of being honest with ourselves, we have to say we want to be his girlfriend or his wife so others do not think less of us. Can you not keep a secret? Would you tell the next person how much you have in your bank account just because? Man, they got us out here saying they must be in an entire relationships with you first and I get that BUT we are talking about scratching that itch, not walking down the aisle. Girl… Fuck that! Fuck them! Gone ahead and fuck HIM or HER if you’re slide that way! It’s perfectly fine to fantasize about what his what his dick looks like. Is it short and stumpy or if he’s hung and it curves to the left? I am preferential to the right myself but we not talking about me. I am definitely not saying to go discount your pussy for everybody that makes you warm in the groins unless you’re into that lifestyle and being safe, but it’s okay to let go every once in a while. I don’t remember others being in the bedroom with you in your fantasies of that man tossing your head between the headboard and the dresser! What does it matter what others think? Begin to be honest with yourselves!
“Your mother didn’t teach you how to suck a dick but you learned that anyway right!?”
We have all heard that phrase before so I began to wonder why we are not having more conversations about this amongst the adults in our families or in our inner circles. Deeper in-depth conversations and I surely am not referring to the anatomy of human body parts. It feels so taboo even bringing it up to my sister or my mother, let alone my grandmothers but we’ve all been there right? So, let’s continue talking about it! Open your notepad on your phone and ask yourselves what would you like to try? Who would you like to try? What do you like? What do you not like? How can we tell and where the hell do we go to find out?
If you’re anything like me then you know exactly how you like to be served on a motherfucking platter but I did not begin here. I started investing in myself by anonymously having full blown sexual conversations with men that live across the country whom I would never see in person. Sexting became a passion in my younger years and that upgraded to phone sex. Not because I wanted to or that I was sleeping with a bunch of men, but because I wanted to learn more about myself and learn to be comfortable openly with my sexuality. Mind y’all, I had signed up for one of those websites that paid me to do it so I wasn’t chatting with every Tom, Dick, and Harry for free but trust, phone sex will upgrade your relationships tenfold and what did I really have to lose? They never knew what I looked like and I was PAID. Anonymity is a powerful thing. The way I learned how to make a man nut just from words!? Mannnnnn…. This brings me to a time when I started spending time with an ex, who I ended up in a relationship with then, and I implored him to start exploring all that I was and alluring to the thought of what he was. Some escapades were recorded while the rest were locked away in the dungeon of my memories.
“Ladies, if you are going to record, do so ONLY on your phone.”
Anyway, we tried different pressure points, different positions, different angles, different holes. Everything I had researched and whatever he could think of. It was such a safe space for me as I had never done that. I had never been given the space to do that and we had plenty of fun. Being able to tell him where to stop, how to keep touching me, when to keep going – really set my mental capacity in stone.
“I will never have another day of bad sex if I have a fucking say in it.”
Most people will bring up their inexperience with sex only when they’re lacking with their preferred gender and I honestly used to do the same. Not being able to apply my thoughts or too self-conscience to act out scenarios was hard for me. Even speaking during sex was something I really had to get out of my head to do. Thinking back, I used to be an entire silent whale, just laying there. They call that a pillow princess these days. My ass was in the air as high as the next man’s hopes thinking he’s going to take you home tonight.
I laid there thinking about a show I was watching an episode of Sex & The City and Samantha’s character really made me think. What do I like about men? Do I even like men to begin with? What do I like about me? What do I like about sex? Was I really having sex or was I “giving” it? If you know Samantha, you know that woman loved sex. She adored satisfying her needs and did just about anything to do so without sacrificing her boundaries. I implore you all to research what hedonism is. I absolutely loved how open and free she was about her intimate life. I quickly realized that I was always the pleaser in the dance as I was trained to only learn what would feel good to my partner. I picked up on so many tips and tricks during my studies. I knew how to ride a dick from the top of the fridge to licking a clit all up and in between the dishwasher and stove. I knew how to swallow a penis as if I were sucking cold peanut butter through a capri sun straw. I knew how to make use my of mouth, both my hands, feet, and other body parts if that’s what they were into….
My biggest sexual asset is knowing how to bring a person from point A to point Z in the shortest amount of time and how to get my own rocks off in the process AND I made sure to look good doing it. I was not always this knowledgeable though and I started by finding out exactly what it was that made my mind rush to that orgasm.
I have read through so many erotic books, blogs on the art of sex, videos, podcasts, and asked around to some of my peers and elders but that only gave me insight to their specific needs. I was asking for me, so I began watching interviews and porn videos on everything ranging from tame genres like anal, throatpies, and some gay/lesbian porn here and there all the way to niche genres like blow up dolls, futanari, and CNC if you know what that means.
“Before y’all turn your nose up in disgust, remember one thing—these videos have millions upon millions of views. Do with that information what you may.”
I listened to what was said, took note of which tone were they using, what they wore, and I paid special attention to how their bodies were laid—literally everything. Almost nothing was off limits. I was studying by myself, and I refused to be shamed by years of indoctrinated societal norms for wanting to learn more about my sexuality. It’s why people have midlife crises. I wrote down which genres hardened my nipples, the ones that made me bust quickly, those topics I really wanted to roleplay and especially which ones I immediately turned it the fuck off, and when I say turned that shit off?? I mean I snatched the goddamn cord from my wall! Anything having to do with unusual bodily fluids is a FUCK NO for me and I cannot express that enough. Any who, I loaded my bedroom with mirrors so I could see myself from all points of view. I practiced doggystyle, cowgirl, missionary, one leg up, and I even threw a titty over my shoulder. I took my time masturbating in my full-size mirror. I took note of how my body looked in each position, which faces looked good, the best angles, and I even practiced my verbiage out loud. I bought chairs, dildos and vibrators and body oils. I honestly had a great laugh at myself majority of the time as I was feeling so stupid practicing on myself in an empty room, but practice makes perfect Ami right? I was seriously on a mission and the greatest part of it all—Who was gone check me boo?
I highly recommend learning yourself to benefit your sex life and drive. The more knowledgeable you are, the more comfortable you are, and the more comfortable you are, the better you perform. The better you perform, the more memorable the interaction for you and your partner or partners if you’re into that lifestyle. I spent time catering to my needs and ensuring my partner catered to my needs and in return, I tended to give them exactly what they needed. One of my partners liked cnc, one liked stalking, one liked stepmom, one liked wife swap, edging, but most liked all the above or they thought they did LOL.
I used what I knew about each topic to really get into that role for each of my partners and I made sure each experience was catered but unique. I appeased exactly to their inner desires, and it made their nuts that much stronger because we should all know mental stimulation is what brings about that deep orgasm. Get to really know the person you plan on laying with. I have left a few relationships with some of my partners on crazy terms and ALL, you read that right, ALL of them, still send that, “Hey, I miss you.” text everyone occasionally. They can call me whatever type of bitch they’d like but they can never say I didn’t make them reach quicker than a cheating man thinking you’re grabbing at his phone. People are not all the same in the bedroom. Learn yourself to learn your partner. You can thank me later.
Ending point—Do you, boo. Literally and figuratively.