What’s the real problem? Every adult I know has been licked from the rooter to the tooter OR has been the one dragging their tongue across the crack of somebody’s ass. Yet somehow, sex is still treated like a forbidden scripture.
Why? One word: SHAME!
From childhood to adulthood, society shames you for your appearance, your desires, your appetite, your curiosity; anything that makes you human. So you learn to choke your tongue, silence your urges, and act like you don’t have a single thought suppressing your desires below the waist. But I talk to people. Friends. Enemies. Strangers. And the moment sex enters the chat, everybody turns into a nervous church mouse? Why?
I want to know why you like that man? IF you like that man? What unhealed traumas buttons does he press that make you want to bust it over easy time and time again? Is it because he talks you through it? The praise? The roleplaying? The aftercare? Tell me! I am the last one to judge! When I interview people about their desires, they squirm, squeal, twist like they’re confessing a federal crime. And some ladies I know have so much pent up rage and frustration so thick from their hindered sexual needs. So I ask them the simplest question:
What are you going to do about it?
If you want to fuck him, why haven’t you? What exactly is the hold up? I began to wonder sometimes if that’s why some women crash and burn when dating. We have been trained to emotionally and mentally invest into a potential lifetime partner first before we can physically enjoy ourselves and end up getting attached to men who are only good for the dick they slang. We can’t just want sex or we fear we’ll look “fast”.
Say what you mean: “I want to fuck him.”
It’s always okay to think it because nobody is in your head except you, but go ahead and say it out loud. Nobody will penalize you for screaming that at the top of your lungs in the confines of your room. There’s nothing wrong with fucking at our grown ass age but I do suggest you know where to draw the line. If you need to be emotionally connected, take your time to do so, but this is for the ladies that know when a man is not for the long term and just want to have some fun exchanging “energy”.
If you haven’t learned by now, majority of people you meet are only here for a good time, not a long time and once you realize that, you’ll learn to not make Daquan the postman into Daquan your dream man.
Fuck that.
And let’s be real: men only shame women for liking sex when it’s not to their benefit… while begging to sleep with us. If we are not sleeping with them, who else are they sleeping with? (I promise you, it’s their homeboys but that’s a blog for another time.) So instead of being honest with ourselves, we have to say we want to be his girlfriend or his wife so others do not think less of us. Who the fuck are they!?
Can you not keep a secret? Would you tell the next person how much you have in your bank account just because? They got us out here saying they must be in an entire relationships with you first and I get that if marriage is your end goal, BUT, we are talking about scratching that itch, not walking down the aisle. Girl… Fuck that! Fuck them! Gone ahead and fuck HIM, or HER, if you slide that way. This is a no judgement zone.
Fantasize all you want! Short and stumpy? Long with a curve? (For the record, I am preferential of those that lean with a right-curve, but we not talking about me.)
I am definitely NOT saying to go discount your pussy for everybody that makes you warm in the groins unless you’re into that lifestyle but it’s okay to let go every once in a while as long as you are being safe in all capacities and prioritizing your needs above all. I don’t remember others being in the bedroom with you while you’re masturbating to that man tossing your head between the headboard and the dresser.
“Your mother didn’t teach you how to suck a dick but you learned that anyway right!?”
We have all heard that phrase before so I began to ponder on why we are not having more conversations about this amongst the same-sex, same aged adults in our families or in our inner circles. Deeper in-depth conversations feels so taboo that bringing it up to my sister or a close friend feels awkward. So, let’s continue talking about it! I want you all to open your notepad on your phone and ask yourselves what would you like to try? Who would you like to try? What do you like already and what are things you stray from?
If you’re anything like me then you know exactly how you like to be served on a platter but I did not begin here. I started investing in myself by anonymously having full blown sexual conversations with men that live across the country whom I would never see in person. Sexting became a passion in my younger years and that upgraded to phone sex. Not because I was forced to or that I was sleeping with a bunch of men, but because I wanted to learn more about myself and learn to be comfortable openly with my sexuality. Mind y’all, I had signed up for one of those websites that paid me to do it so I wasn’t chatting with every Tom, Dick, and Harry for free but trust, phone sex will upgrade your relationships tenfold and what did I really have to lose? They never knew what I looked like, never seen me in person, and TRUST – I was PAID. The way I learned how to make a man nut just from words!? Anonymity is a powerful thing.
Mannnnnn, listen….
Let me tell you about a time when I started spending time with an ex, and that man became my testing ground. Some escapades were recorded while the rest are locked away in the dungeon of my memories.
Sidenote: Ladies, if you are going to record, do so ONLY on your phone.
Anyway, we experimented with different pressure points, positions, angles, rhythms, roles and holes. Everything I had researched and whatever he imagined. It was such a safe space for me being given the freedom to explore. Being able to vocalize where to stop, how to keep touching me, when to keep going – really set my mental capacity in stone. I needed one taste of freedom and I swore:
“I will never have another day of bad sex if I have a fucking say in it.”
But I wasn’t always this version of myself. Not being able to apply my thoughts or too self-conscience to act out scenarios was hard for me. Even speaking during sex was something I really had to get out of my head to do so I was often left unsatisfied. Thinking back, I used to be an entire silent whale, just laying there – barely speaking, barely moving, barely participating. A pillow princess in the wild.
I laid there one time thinking about a show I was watching; an episode of Sex & The City and the Samantha Jones character. And it hit me:
Was I actually having sex, or was I giving it?
What do I like about men? Do I even like men to begin with? What do I like about me? What do I like about sex? I quickly realized that I was always the pleaser in the dance as I was trained to only learn what would feel good to my partner. Women are taught to please, not be pleased. Taught to learn what our partners like, not what we like. I began my studies.
Erotica. Interviews. Porn. Podcasts.
I picked up on so many tips and tricks during my studies. Everything from tame categories like anal, throatpies, some gay/lesbian porn here and there all the way to niche corners of the internet.
Before y’all turn your nose up in disgust, remember one thing — these videos have millions upon millions of views. Do with that information what you may.
I have read through so many erotic books, blogs on the art of sex, videos and I asked around to some of my lady peers and elders but that only gave me insight to their specific needs. I took time to myself and began to pay attention to my vocal tone, posture, angles, pacing – everything that created desire. I bought vibrators, dildos, mirrors and positioned them everywhere. Practiced viewpoints, arching, positions, facial expressions. Practiced my voice out loud. Bought toys. Oils. Chairs. I learned how to make use my of mouth, both my hands, feet, and other body parts so much to the point where I now know how to swallow a penis as if I were sucking cold peanut butter through a capri sun straw.
I laughed at myself sometimes, laying there in an empty room throwing a titty over my shoulder but I kept going because practice creates confidence, and confidence creates unforgettable sex.
The more knowledgeable you are, the more comfortable you become. The more comfortable you are, the better you perform. The better you perform, the more memorable the entire experience becomes. I learned my needs so thoroughly that I could guide any partner, past and future, from point A to point Z all while getting myself off too.
Some men like CNC. Some enjoyed stalking fantasies. Some stepmom. Some wife swap. Most liked everything. And because I understood the mental stimulation behind desire, I would tailor every experience to each man’s private fantasies to give them that deep orgasm.
It’s why they all send the “I miss you” or the “Hey stranger” text to this day!
Even if they call me every name in the book – they can never say my sex was bad.
Ending point — It’s almost 2026. Do you, boo. Literally and figuratively.
Know what you like. Know who you are. Know what you want to feel and stop letting society shame you out of enjoying the one thing every grown adult thinks about daily.
You deserve pleasure, power, and confidence on your terms.
If you laughed, learned, or clutched your pearls even once, go ahead and support your girl by clicking here! Energy like this doesn’t pour from an empty cup!